It’s been awhile since I’ve written on here and or complained, yes, about my husband. So, I figure why not kill two birds with one stone.

Being the breadwinner of the family and handling all the financials of our family can take a toll on a person. Especially a pregnant woman. Fears and anxiety aside, I think my husband has it easy. For one, I’ve never been one of those PMS/hormonal women and am not one now while being 33 weeks pregnant with our second. Another thing my husband gets off easy on is having to stress about money. Not because he has a lot of it –quite the opposite really – but because all his life he has never had to deal with it or the consequences of having or not having..it was either always there or taken care of. Before me, he obviously had girlfriends who took care of him and before them or during those times he also had his grandmother who was taking care of his school/rent expenses. So, part of my complaint is really this: he has absolutely no idea how to handle finances. How to save or has the inkling of how much things really cost. Well, it’s not the really cost part it’s the how much of it impacts our entire family and our budget/pockets.

Right now, my husband is not working. Need I remind you that I am also 33 weeks pregnant and STILL working. He isn’t working not because he doesn’t want to – well.. – he’s not working because teachers, non-credentialed teachers don’t have much work during the summer. Here is another part of my compliant – I wish he would get off his butt and put some effort into getting a job when the school year starts. He does have a job lined up with the school he is with but only as an afterschool instructor – which means maybe about 20-25 hours of work per week. This, is not going to help keep us afloat, especially when I will be on maternity leave for 4 months! We still have to pay our midwives $2300 by September! We still have our rent, our car payment, our insurance, our groceries etc. etc…so back to the compliant. I’ve pushed him enough and sent soooo many craigslist ads for him to reply to and even lined up two great recommendation letters that he could use but has he done anything? NO. I don’t want to nag and frankly, I’m tired. I’m tired of the only one stressing. I let it go and forget about it – because you know ignorance is truly bliss..but I can’t ignore it for too long. It would be one thing if we were just dating still and this was his issue – and it is his issue – but now this issue affects me and our family and I have to butt in from time to time.

I don’t know what it is but, I would want to teach my own son – to be independent and resilient and to have ambition. Sometimes, I don’t know with my husband. I don’t know if it’s the fears that prevent him from truly pursing his life’s passions..or maybe teaching isn’t his passion. One thing I do know is – you can’t wait for life to throw something your way – you have to go out there and get it. This is something that has been instilled in me because of my family’s struggles as an immigrants when we first came here.

I was embarrassed recently when a friend of mine and I were talking about finances and how much people make – especially here in the Bay area. We were both on  a parenting newsletter that had a complaint by someone who had a combined income of $400+ K a year – this is what started the convo. She then mentioned how much her husband was making annually which was twice the amount I make before taxes – and like I said I’m the breadwinner so..anyways, I was embarrassed enough to lie or sort of lie and mumble.

Yes, my husband did pull in some income that helped us stay afloat and have little perks (budgeted perks, of course) now and then but now that income will become 50% less and we are adding another human that will need items out of necessity – diapers at the very least. Thankfully, feeding it (it because, well, we don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl) won’t cost us a thing J.

Anyway, so there..those are my complaints and my fears and anxiety. Yes, yes we will survive, as so many before us have. I have seriously thought about going on WIC and even getting on food stamps – I’m serious. But we make just a bit too much – which is not much at all! We live paycheck to paycheck and have nothing saved for retirement or the kids colleges.